A long while later, after the files were completely burned, Hoshino stomped the ashes into dust. The next strong wind would scatter all the remains. The sun was nearly setting by then, and crows were flying back to their nests.
“Nobody’s gonna read it now,” Hoshino said. “I don’t know what was written in it, but it’s all gone. A bit of shape and form has disappeared from the world, increasing the amount of nothingness.”
“I have a question I’d like to ask.”
“Fire away.”
“Can nothingness increase?”
Hoshino puzzled this one over for a while. “That’s a tough one,” he admitted. “If
something returns to nothing it becomes zero, but even if you add zero to zero, it’s still zero.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I don’t get it either. Thinking about those kinds of things always gives me a
headache.”
“So maybe we should stop thinking about it.”
“Fine with me,” Hoshino said.
Not long ago, the deli in my grocery store put mayonnaise on the sandwich that I asked for with no mayonnaise.
Admittedly, the instructions I gave were vague. I said, “Please, whatever you do, don’t give me mayonnaise.”
The next week they left the turkey off a turkey sandwich. That’s an item most turkey sandwiches include.
Yesterday, they topped even themselves.
They failed to make the sandwich entirely.
That’s a weird thing about a sandwich order. You need to remember the sandwich.
I now see that with each mistake, I’m going to get less and less.
Which means the next thing they will do is come to my house and remove the food from my refrigerator.
The reason this keeps happening is that they keep getting new employees and I don’t know them. So I don’t know which ones will screw up my sandwich. Worse, I can’t remember who screwed up the last time.
Thus, I’ve decided to steal an idea from the Boy Scouts.
They award merit badges to people who accomplish things.
I will do the opposite. I will award badges to people who fail to accomplish things.
It is called the Badge of Stoopid. And it looks like this.
“Another stunt was to leave a taxi, slipping something into the taxi driver’s pocket saying, “Have a drink on me.” That something turned out to be a tea bag.”
GPOYW.
Slightly dusty edition.
The 5 rules of footwear
- Men should never have tassels on their shoes.
- Running shoes should only be worn when exercising (I hope you’re listening America).
- Sandals should only be worn in times of hot weather and never with socks.
- Only Hugh Hefner wears slippers and still gets laid.
- Most importantly: Never, ever (I can’t stress this enough) wear black shiny shoes with blue jeans, you’ll look like my dad.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2010-8-29)
- Josh Rouse (83)
- Nouvelle Vague (33)
- Kevin Shields (4)
- Death in Vegas (3)
- Brian Reitzell & Roger J. Manning Jr. (2)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
Dinging, Square Root of Minus Garfield published my submission.
“It was the day my grandmother exploded.”
I had two tiny (awful) tattoos done when I was a dimwitted teenager and I had them covered last year by the one pictured. I basically went to the tattoo parlour and said to the guy “I want a proper man’s tattoo that looks something like this (pointing to a design) but covers these stupid things”.
This was the first design the guy came up with and I loved it. Actually there’s still some colouring & shading left to be done on.
(*Note: Cringeworthy before and after pics here)
Looking slightly scruffy during an off-roading trip around Ephesus.
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