Travors.com

Not long ago, the deli in my grocery store put mayonnaise on...

Thu, 02 Sep 2010 13:43:04 +0100

Not long ago, the deli in my grocery store put mayonnaise on the sandwich that I asked for with no mayonnaise.

Admittedly, the instructions I gave were vague. I said, “Please, whatever you do, don’t give me mayonnaise.”

The next week they left the turkey off a turkey sandwich. That’s an item most turkey sandwiches include.

Yesterday, they topped even themselves.

They failed to make the sandwich entirely.

That’s a weird thing about a sandwich order. You need to remember the sandwich.

I now see that with each mistake, I’m going to get less and less.

Which means the next thing they will do is come to my house and remove the food from my refrigerator.

The reason this keeps happening is that they keep getting new employees and I don’t know them. So I don’t know which ones will screw up my sandwich. Worse, I can’t remember who screwed up the last time.

Thus, I’ve decided to steal an idea from the Boy Scouts.

They award merit badges to people who accomplish things.

I will do the opposite. I will award badges to people who fail to accomplish things.

It is called the Badge of Stoopid. And it looks like this.

- Stephan Pastis, The Red Badge of Stoopid

A long while later, after the files were completely burned, Hoshino stomped the ashes into dust. The...

Thu, 02 Sep 2010 02:49:00 +0100

A long while later, after the files were completely burned, Hoshino stomped the ashes into dust. The next strong wind would scatter all the remains. The sun was nearly setting by then, and crows were flying back to their nests.

“Nobody’s gonna read it now,” Hoshino said. “I don’t know what was written in it, but it’s all gone. A bit of shape and form has disappeared from the world, increasing the amount of nothingness.”

“I have a question I’d like to ask.”

“Fire away.”

“Can nothingness increase?”

Hoshino puzzled this one over for a while. “That’s a tough one,” he admitted. “If
something returns to nothing it becomes zero, but even if you add zero to zero, it’s still zero.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I don’t get it either. Thinking about those kinds of things always gives me a
headache.”

“So maybe we should stop thinking about it.”

“Fine with me,” Hoshino said.

- Kafka on the Shore

"Another stunt was to leave a taxi, slipping something into the taxi driver’s pocket saying,..."

Thu, 02 Sep 2010 01:51:00 +0100

“Another stunt was to leave a taxi, slipping something into the taxi driver’s pocket saying, “Have a drink on me.” That something turned out to be a tea bag.”

- Tommy Cooper - Wikipedia on his meaness.

GPOYW. Slightly dusty edition.

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 17:30:00 +0100

GPOYW.

Slightly dusty edition.

The 5 rules of footwear

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 14:19:00 +0100

Men should never have tassels on their shoes.
Running shoes should only be worn when exercising (I hope you’re listening America).
Sandals should only be worn in times of hot weather and never with socks.
Only Hugh Hefner wears slippers and still gets laid.
Most importantly: Never, ever (I can’t stress this enough) wear black shiny shoes with blue jeans, you’ll look like my dad.

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2010-8-29)

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 12:03:21 +0100

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2010-8-29):

Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz

Dinging, Square Root of Minus Garfield published my submission.

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 00:33:05 +0100

Dinging, Square Root of Minus Garfield published my submission.

"It was the day my grandmother exploded."

Tue, 31 Aug 2010 23:44:38 +0100

“It was the day my grandmother exploded.”

- First line of The Crow Road by Iain Banks.

I had two tiny (awful) tattoos done when I was a dimwitted...

Tue, 31 Aug 2010 21:22:00 +0100

I had two tiny (awful) tattoos done when I was a dimwitted teenager and I had them covered last year by the one pictured. I basically went to the tattoo parlour and said to the guy “I want a proper man’s tattoo that looks something like this (pointing to a design) but covers these stupid things”.

This was the first design the guy came up with and I loved it. Actually there’s still some colouring & shading left to be done on.

(*Note: Cringeworthy before and after pics here)

Looking slightly scruffy during an off-roading trip around...

Tue, 31 Aug 2010 20:59:00 +0100

Looking slightly scruffy during an off-roading trip around Ephesus.

"Most writers, as they age, become morning-time writers. As a callow youth, in my misspent 20s, I..."

Tue, 31 Aug 2010 20:40:47 +0100

“Most writers, as they age, become morning-time writers. As a callow youth, in my misspent 20s, I would write very late at night, and then on into the small hours, perhaps accompanied by a glass of something red and full-bodied, and I would be drunk on the fumes of my own exquisite genius. But the work that resulted would very seldom stand up to the sober light of day. Now, I write first thing.”

- Kevin Barry on his writing routine (via annieatkins)

Hmm, I probably need to stop doing this.

Concerned with the increasing amount of ‘sloppy...

Tue, 31 Aug 2010 00:49:00 +0100

Concerned with the increasing amount of ‘sloppy journalism and other questionable content’ found in newspapers, comedian Tom Scott designed a set of ‘journalism warning labels’ to make newspaper reading that much safer. (via Designboom)

I've missed you on my dashboard! How was your vacation? Also, big news you may have missed: I'm moving to Chicago in what is now less than a month. Eep! -- AVH

Tue, 31 Aug 2010 00:28:00 +0100

And I’ve missed being on your dashboard!

My vacation was great, the Turkish are fantastic hosts and the weather was, well, blissfully sunny. It’s not hard to feel happy when the sky is blue every day.

Also I got to read 3 books: Kafka on the Shore (just OK, not great) and What I Talk about When I Talk about Running (loved it) by Haruki Murakami, and God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything (brilliant) by Christopher Hitchens.

Great to hear you’re moving to Chicago, no point in putting down roots, get moving and good luck :)

Ask me anything

Current Jogging playlist (always randomised)

Mon, 30 Aug 2010 22:05:00 +0100

Do It Again - The Chemical Brothers
Galvanize - The Chemical Brothers
Under The Influence - The Chemical Brothers
Hey Boy Hey Girl - The Chemical Brothers
Three Little Birdies Down Beats - The Chemical Brothers
Freak of the week - The Chemical Brothers
Now Is The Time - The Crystal Method
Blood Rave - The Crystal Method
Smashing Pumpkins-1979 - The Crystal Method
Born Slippy (Nuxx) - Underworld
Ride A White Horse (FK-EK Vocal Version) - Goldfrapp
Strict Machine (We Are Glitter Mix) - Goldfrapp
Discipline - Nine Inch Nails
Forbidden Fruit (BT & PvD’s Food of Love Mix) - Paul Van Dyk
Harder Better Faster Stronger - Daft Punk
Born Too Slow - The Crystal Method
Dirt “Mullet Mix” - Death In Vegas
Rocco - Death In Vegas
Dub Shepherd - Deep Dish
In the Bath - Lemon Jelly
The Staunton Lick - Lemon Jelly
Bodyrock - Moby
Alice - Pogo
Drop The Pressure - Mylo
Smack My Bitch Up - The Prodigy
No Good (Start the Dance) - The Prodigy
The Narcotic Suite: Skylined - The Prodigy
The Narcotic Suite: Claustrophobic Sting - The Prodigy
Leave home [Underworld mix2] - The Chemical Brothers
Loops of fury [Promo 12 inch] - The Chemical Brothers
Keep Hope Alive (J.D.S Mix) - The Crystal Method
Never Gonna Come Back Down (Timo Maas Mix) - BT
Orbitus Teranium - BT

Do not ask me why I'm sad, do not ask me anything. I'll never be able to hug and kiss him. That hurts

Mon, 30 Aug 2010 20:41:00 +0100

We all reach a similar place and it’s tough. But there will be others.

Ask me anything

Angry dog and couch on bricks (Ephesus, Turkey).

Mon, 30 Aug 2010 20:32:00 +0100

Angry dog and couch on bricks (Ephesus, Turkey).

Possible band names

Mon, 30 Aug 2010 19:04:26 +0100

Suspicious Raisins
The Jib Cutters
The Oddball Antics
Sporadic Meatballs
The Ruptured Spleens
Superfluous freckles

"Everything’s a metaphor"

Mon, 30 Aug 2010 01:08:35 +0100

“Everything’s a metaphor”

- Goethe

Next to the boathouse by the river was a homeless man wearing...

Mon, 30 Aug 2010 00:56:00 +0100

Next to the boathouse by the river was a homeless man wearing layers of filthy clothes. He was pushing a shopping cart and belting out “America the Beautiful.” Whether he really meant it or was being deeply ironic, I couldn’t tell.

- Haruki Murakami, What I Talk about When I Talk about Running.

The best place in town.

Sun, 29 Aug 2010 21:53:00 +0100

The best place in town.

Travors.com

Not long ago, the deli in my grocery store put mayonnaise on...

A long while later, after the files were completely burned, Hoshino stomped the ashes into dust. The...

"Another stunt was to leave a taxi, slipping something into the taxi driver’s pocket saying,..."

GPOYW. Slightly dusty edition.

The 5 rules of footwear

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2010-8-29)

Dinging, Square Root of Minus Garfield published my submission.

"It was the day my grandmother exploded."

I had two tiny (awful) tattoos done when I was a dimwitted...

Looking slightly scruffy during an off-roading trip around...

"Most writers, as they age, become morning-time writers. As a callow youth, in my misspent 20s, I..."

Concerned with the increasing amount of ‘sloppy...

I've missed you on my dashboard! How was your vacation? Also, big news you may have missed: I'm moving to Chicago in what is now *less than a month*. Eep! -- AVH

Current Jogging playlist (always randomised)

Do not ask me why I'm sad, do not ask me anything. I'll never be able to hug and kiss him. That hurts

Angry dog and couch on bricks (Ephesus, Turkey).

Possible band names

"Everything’s a metaphor"

Next to the boathouse by the river was a homeless man wearing...

The best place in town.

I've missed you on my dashboard! How was your vacation? Also, big news you may have missed: I'm moving to Chicago in what is now less than a month. Eep! -- AVH